7 years on

October 4, 2017
Here I am 7 years on from losing Sadie. We have gone on to have more children: Patrick, now 6 and Abigail, now 2. 

Life is is full and busy and happy. The truth is that the grief is still there. Just the same but I manage it better. Well mostly. I’m no different to any of the other bereaved parents I’ve met and been in touch with - we all learn to live with it in our own ways. 

Next week I’m lucky enough to be climbing Kilimanjaro with 4 friends, 3 of whom are raising money for the Lullaby Trust. We are Louis’ Lullaby Ladies and we’re raising in money of my friend Caz’s son who died from SIDS. 
 

Baby Collins Number 3 on the way

May 25, 2015

It's been a couple of years since I posted and time has really brought about a lot of change for our family.

Pat is now 4 and starts school in September.  He's grown into such a lovely boy: caring and kind with a lovely warm sense of humour.  He is very loving and comes out with such sweet things.  He's quite a sensitive and thoughtful little guy - although he loves making friends and having fun, he's also quite reserved and cautious.  Pat talks about Sadie quite frequently although we neither...


Continue reading...
 

Easter Blog

March 30, 2013
Hi Everyone and Happy Easter!

I really must try to find more time to report on how things are.  In general Drew and I are really strong and happy and we are hugely thankful for that.  Life is full and Patrick is utterly wonderful.  We feel blessed.

I am in the process of publishing Sadie's Star which is so exciting and it means the world to me.  I sound like an X Factor contestant now!

We have our moments still and we miss Sadie so much.  She remains as always, our much loved daughter and she re...
Continue reading...
 

Preparing for Sadie's 3rd Birthday

December 29, 2012
We had a lovely Christmas with 13 of us on Christmas day for dinner at our house. We really value our family time and enjoyed spending such a fun Christmas with Pat.  We managed our grief fairly well although we missed Sadie as always.

After all the energy of Christmas Drew and I feel wiped out and have hibernated a little - just going for walks and playing with Pat.  We have found the sadness heavy in our hearts.  We are well used to this now and know how to handle this but it often means let...
Continue reading...
 

Christmas, Sadie's Birthday and a New Job

December 19, 2012
Hmmm life is pretty stressful right now.  My new job is full on and involves working around some very tricky situations right now on top of a long commute.  I miss Pat as I work full time now.  As we have found out before, when we are readjusting to things in life the grief becomes stronger and it needs to be balanced again.  I find myself crying on my way to work each day.  It can come from nowhere and the sobs and hurt wrack my body with a shocking violence.  Still as raw underneath as ever...
Continue reading...
 

Next Big Step

December 2, 2012
I start a new job tomorrow morning.  Back into my HR career, so I need to be 100% on form and ready!  I am very nervous and also excited about returning to what I know best (work-wise). I just hope it all comes back to me and that my confidence remains intact.  Building new relationships has been very tough since losing Sadie for obvious reasons and this last year working at the recruitment consultancy I have built my confidence back up and pushed my limits further.  I feel ready.  My memory ...
Continue reading...
 

Balance is restored

November 27, 2012
Well my last entry was a little dispirited and I felt full of despair as I was struggling.  At times when I feel that low I find I need to explain myself, hibernate and make a plan. Hibernation for me means taking a quieter approach to life for a period without getting too involved in the outside world.  I hide away a little.

I feel I have come out of the other side of that particular dip.  I know dips will continue as is a part of depression and of the grief.  I know that the depression will ...
Continue reading...
 

Coping with Depression

November 12, 2012
I think I have mentioned before that a little while back, around the second anniversary of Sadie's death, I finally discussed my low mood and depression with my GP, as this has grown progressively worse.  I have treatment now and my GP advised me that I would likely need medication for at least a year.

I often find that I can go for weeks without feeling too low but now and then I am knocked for six and it can be overwhelming.  Often these bouts send me into cycles I have come to notice - I fe...
Continue reading...
 

Reflecting on September

September 29, 2012
What a month it has been!  I have been pleasantly surprised to be able to reflect on how far we have come these past 2 years.  We are as healed as we've ever been.  The grief remains the same - like the diagram we were shown by so many grief counsellors when Sadie died. We were shown two diagrams - the first was one circle completely filled with black.  The other was the same circle - all black and the same size with a large white circle surrounding it.  This depicts that the grief is all enc...
Continue reading...
 

Running with Sadie

September 1, 2012
I have recently found that running (jogging really in my case!) is a big help to me with my grief management.  It gives me time to think and I find that I spend my runs thinking about Sadie lots and and its a nice way to remember her and spend time with her memory and almost say things to her that I want to say.  I listen to music as I run and it is amazing how many songs remind me of Sadie and I find this very uplifting. My favourite at the moment is U2's City of Blinding Lights.  This song ...
Continue reading...
 

Below are 2 articles I have written for the SOFT Newlsetter.  SOFT is a charity Support Organisation for Families of Trisomy. 

Article 1.docx Article 1.docx
Size : 0.016 Kb
Type : docx
Article 2.docx Article 2.docx
Size : 0.015 Kb
Type : docx

About Me


Samara Collins I'm Samara Collins (nee Samara Lawrence) and I'm 35 years old. I live in a village called Mobberley in Cheshire with my husband Drew, our son, Patrick (born 17/02/11) and our cat, Clive. Our daughter, Sadie was born on 30/12/09. 24 hours after her birth we were told she had Edwards Syndrome (Trisomy 18) and a large VSD (hole in her heart) and would die very soon. She passed away aged 8 & 1/2 months on 10/09/10. Sadie was our first child and she was a wonderful surprise after 18 months of trying to conceive and then being told I was infertile! She is our miracle. I immediately loved being a mummy and miss Sadie terribly. I was made redundant shortly after Sadie was born. We are strong but we still focus on remaining so and on maintaining normality and enjoying our son, Pat. Grieving is a weird process and totally unavoidable. I think I'm doing OK most days but when I need to express myself and the grief becomes overwhelming and isolating I find writing really helps me.

Make a free website with Yola