Wow.  It feels like I have hit new depths today.  It is helping just to be at home and to let the feelings come and face it properly.  It is really, really hard though.  I am overwhelmed by how much I miss Sadie and want her here.  I think this is OK and that I have to go through this stage, but its scary as for 8 weeks I have avoided letting go for fear that if I let myself feel the pain and sadness I won't be able to get a foothold and be OK again.  I am starting to realise that gradually you have to let go and let the emotions come and that afterwards, although it takes a while, I find my normal levels again.  I don't think we can avoid the grief any longer.

One of the hardest things is that I feel really isolated.  So many people are fantastic and try to understand and give support but it hurts because its so hard for anyone to understand what its like.  I know I never could have before it happened to us.  It is intense.  I guess thats why I write on here so much.  It helps me to say how I feel to an extent. I can just say it and then forget it.  I don't want pity or sympathy and I don't feel sorry for myself, I just want to say how it is and be understood a little.