I've been trying to write an acrticle for SOFT's website about life with Sadie and having a rainbow baby but I think it will be hard because I want to write every detail.  I could fill a book!

I started work last week - a 2 month assignment which is part time.  I am really enjoying it and Pat is loving his time at nursery and his Nana and Grandpa's.  It will hopefully enable me to build my confidence back up.

Its strange resuming full normality now and it leave me with less time to grieve and talk or write about Sadie.  I miss that in a way and I find the grief mounts up and I have to manage it differently.  I know that I will learn how to do this and it will take time.  Its quite tiring being upbeat and on work-mode all day and then the inevitable sadness kicks in a bit later, but this will become easier to manage soon I know.

Christmas and Sadie's 2nd Birthday are on the horizon and I feel very aware of that.  Life feel good again and we are happy.  We really enjoy having Pat - life feels great and full.  The grief doesn't shrink though as life grows around it, it stays the same but it becomes easier to manage it.  I think that's right anyway - thats how it feels right now.

Sadie is on my mind so much and missing her can feel very painful.  Some moments are harder than others but you learn to deal with it I guess and I feel fairly strong.  Enough to manage it.  We are excited about life ahead and enjoying everything we do. Pat's first Christmas will be wonderful. We have so much to enjoy and to look forward to.  It will always be sad that Sadie isn't here to share that.  I can't articulate how much I miss her. She is with me always.

What a garbled post I'm afraid.  I have so much I want to say but no idea how to express it all.  I am sure I will gain clarity once we have been throug this period of readjustment!