I had a good appointment with my midwife today.  My health visitor had already spoken to the team of midwives about my anxiety and she completely understood and is arranging for a scan this week or next week.  There is no reason to believe anything is wrong and rationally, I know that as little man is kicking away lots and I am growing big and feeling well, plus the last few scans have looked good.  However, it is so very scary being pregnant again and any reassurances I can get, I will take.

I also talked to the midwife about my nerves over the birth (this one will be born by C-Section as Sadie was due to the emotional trauma and due to it being so close to my last C-Section).  I am nervous that the similarity of the circumstances may be overwhelmingly tough and I know that it will involve a coupleof days in hospital.  There's nothing we can do to avoid that and I want to stay at the same hospital as I know the staff and trust the team there but it will be a very bittersweet time.

Other than seeing the midwife and a visit from my mum, I have hibernated today.  It feels like the right move today and I'll see what tomorrow brings.  Just giving myself a break to handle the emotions.  It all feels so overwhelming right now, so I just prefer being home where I feel less vulnerable.  It won't be forever though.  I know I need to toughen back up when I can.