Well I am more or less recovered from the car accident now although just some aches and pains and wot-not.  We're still just so relieved that Pat is fine.  I've been back in work a little and we also went to Spain for a holiday. The holiday was amazing and we had a great time. This was the first time Pat had flown and our first overseas trip in many years, as Sadie was not able to travel at all due to the nature of Edwards Syndrome. We were very excited and I was planning and looking forward to this for weeks and months even.  That said, the days before the flight were hard as we felt ourselves struggling to cope with some emotions.  Despite that we did throroughly enjoy our holiday and we hopewe'll go again next year.

Watching Pat in the sea and taking his first steps was very moving. We never knew we could feel so happy and yet at the same time we missed Sadie so much.  Seeing her little brother do things that she was never able to do was very emotional but lovely too.

Well I started more counselling today.  I was sceptical really as I had felt that I should be feeling ok now but it helped to accept that I am still grieving and to talk about the trauma of Sadie's life and death and to make time to work with the grief.  Day to day we are doing fine and enjoy life fully but we now need to talk more about what happened and face the grief more.  Its hard to do and we are prepared to work and get through it properly.  To be honest, I'm not 100% sure how to grieve properly, but talking completely openly with a fantastic grief counsellor today has opened my mind more and I feel less anxious about it.

On Tuesday evening Drew had to call me an ambulance as I had a very severe panic attack and had strong chest pains, breathing difficulty and collapsed on the bathroom floor.  I was absolutely convinced I was having a heart attack as it felt like the breath was being crushed from my chest.  The ambulance took me to hospital and they really helped me. The severity of the attack was shocking and I am told thatthe build up of anxiety just took over.  So I am taking some advice on this to ensure that the attacks never reach that level again.