Browsing Archive: September, 2011

A time of peace and happiness

Posted by Samara Collins on Saturday, September 24, 2011, In : Blog 
It feels like calm has been restored these past weeks and the grief has slowly receded after the anniversary and become much more manageable again.  Sweet relief!  I think about Sadie all the time and miss her badly. We still feel sad she is gone.  But it feels easier to deal with right now.  I hope this phase lasts and that the sadness and darkness doesn't come crashing back in.

I have managed to build my life back up since the anniversary on 10/09... Pat and I are back out at various mummy a...
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Thanks

Posted by Samara Collins on Sunday, September 11, 2011, In : Blog 
Well the build up of about 6 or so weeks prior to the anniversary was really tough and the hardest days were those right before the anniversary as the memories cameflooding back - many memories and feelings we had seemingly blocked out as they were so painful to recall.  Drew and I discussed these memories and feelings and this realy helped us to accept that these things happened and that we feel so sad about it.  Drew and I left Pat with my parents on Friday and we went to the grave first an...
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My week so far

Posted by Samara Collins on Thursday, September 8, 2011,
Well its been one of the toughest weeks grief wise in a long time so I have hibernated lots because it just feels hard being out.  I went to Francis House on Monday and that was really nice.  Sadie died at Francis House so its filled with hard memories but she also spent happy times there.  When I first heard about the children's hospice I thought it would be a place where children went and got more ill and died - never leaving again.  That's completely wrong.  It is a place where children at...
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Just breathe in and out

Posted by Samara Collins on Monday, September 5, 2011, In : Blog 
Drew and I have heavy hearts at the moment.  Just lots of sadness and lots of memories of this time last year.  We are blessed with such happy memories of Sadie - so many of them and they will always bring us happiness and comfort.  Right now though, its about getting through this period of grief.  Sadie was so strong and dignified and we want to honour her by being just as she was. 

This weekend Drew and I took Pat out for walks as always.  We always feel rejuvenated after a walk and its so ...
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The approaching anniversary or 'angelversary' as they're known

Posted by Samara Collins on Friday, September 2, 2011, In : Blog 
We continue to find flash backs to last year.  I am amazed at the things that happened and I wonder now how we managed to stay awake night after night looking after Sadie and also how we went on to bring home morphine and administer that regularly to our perfect baby along with other strong drugs like midazolam.  I admire parents who have to do such things for a length of time.  I know that although it is wonderful to have your child, regardless of the challenges they face, it is hard to adju...
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Below are 2 articles I have written for the SOFT Newlsetter.  SOFT is a charity Support Organisation for Families of Trisomy. 

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Article 2.docx Article 2.docx
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About Me


Samara Collins I'm Samara Collins (nee Samara Lawrence) and I'm 35 years old. I live in a village called Mobberley in Cheshire with my husband Drew, our son, Patrick (born 17/02/11) and our cat, Clive. Our daughter, Sadie was born on 30/12/09. 24 hours after her birth we were told she had Edwards Syndrome (Trisomy 18) and a large VSD (hole in her heart) and would die very soon. She passed away aged 8 & 1/2 months on 10/09/10. Sadie was our first child and she was a wonderful surprise after 18 months of trying to conceive and then being told I was infertile! She is our miracle. I immediately loved being a mummy and miss Sadie terribly. I was made redundant shortly after Sadie was born. We are strong but we still focus on remaining so and on maintaining normality and enjoying our son, Pat. Grieving is a weird process and totally unavoidable. I think I'm doing OK most days but when I need to express myself and the grief becomes overwhelming and isolating I find writing really helps me.

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