Hmmm life is pretty stressful right now.  My new job is full on and involves working around some very tricky situations right now on top of a long commute.  I miss Pat as I work full time now.  As we have found out before, when we are readjusting to things in life the grief becomes stronger and it needs to be balanced again.  I find myself crying on my way to work each day.  It can come from nowhere and the sobs and hurt wrack my body with a shocking violence.  Still as raw underneath as every before.  Still dead.  Still missed.  We just keep getting by.

Sadie's Birthday is in 2 weeks.  30th December.  She would have been 3 years old.  My beautiful little girl.  How can she not be here for her 3rd Birthday?  I just want to hide some days.  Since 10am on 31/12/2009 everything has been blown apart.   I am heavy with sadness but have to and want to keep going and enjoy the precious life we have.

We'll get through the new job, the travel, the Christmas, the Birthday and the New Year's eve memories. We'll enjoy all the good stuff. But oh my word how we miss our darling baby.  I know there are many other parents going through this pain and I pray we can all feel strength and peace.