Drew and I have heavy hearts at the moment.  Just lots of sadness and lots of memories of this time last year.  We are blessed with such happy memories of Sadie - so many of them and they will always bring us happiness and comfort.  Right now though, its about getting through this period of grief.  Sadie was so strong and dignified and we want to honour her by being just as she was. 

This weekend Drew and I took Pat out for walks as always.  We always feel rejuvenated after a walk and its so beautiful this time of year.  Pat loves looking at animals and trees as well as cars and trucks and smiling at anyone we meet.  He brings us so much happiness and also keeps our memories of Sadie clear because she too loved nature.  She couldn't be outdoors too much with the brightness affecting her eyes, but she loved to be walked around the garden late in the day and look at the trees and touch our old oak tree.  She also loved walks in her pram.

I am off to Francis House this afternoon to meet my friend on the bereavement team and also to visit the chapel there. There is a memory book in the chapel where families can keep a page with anything they like on it in memory of their child.  In a year I still have been unable to do this, but I have made a small start and will place Sadie's memory page there today and add to it and change it over time.  I have written lots about Sadie in notes in various forms over the last year or so but I wrote a poem recently that I will share on the memory page and I will share here too.

This week hurts so much as we remember Sadie's pain and what life was like.  We are so glad for the time Sadie shared with us and keeping her memory alive is important to us.  Right now we just have to get through these darker days in the grief and as we do so, we are having to hibernate a bit.  I am amazed that Drew is so able to go to work and just get on with things amidst all he is feeling.  I am proud of him.  He is strong and resilient.  Drew was so close to Sadie.  No father and daughter were ever closer.

My poem in Sadie's memory - Always My Baby....
I feel you sleeping softly in my arms, up on my chest
I hold you tight and smell your hair, the moments I loved best.
Though you're not here any more, haven't been for so much time,
You're still here in my arms, up on my chest; you're always mine
Oh precious, beautiful baby girl, the loss of you so hard to bear
Its hard to be your mummy and give you my love when you're not there
But you'll always be my baby, no less so than when you were here
If I close my eyes, you're in my arms and I will always hold you near