What a month it has been!  I have been pleasantly surprised to be able to reflect on how far we have come these past 2 years.  We are as healed as we've ever been.  The grief remains the same - like the diagram we were shown by so many grief counsellors when Sadie died. We were shown two diagrams - the first was one circle completely filled with black.  The other was the same circle - all black and the same size with a large white circle surrounding it.  This depicts that the grief is all encompassing at times and the remainder of our world is insignificant - especially in the early days and tougher times.  However whilst that grief remains the same our world grows around it and whilst it is ever-present we don't always find it engulfing us. Certainly our world has grown. So many changes.  This last 12 months I have really accepted and dealt with the grief and I am really able to fully enjoy the good times now. It feels good to be able to do that.  I know now that it doesn't reflect how I feel about Sadie and I am able to separate the two things.  2 years has been a turning point and our lives are full and good.  We are strong, happy and content.  Our friendships and relationships are good. They mean more to us now that we could have understood and our values are different.  I feel happy with my place in the world and good about the future.  I never believed I would say that. I can feel that way and still miss and ache for my little girl and that feels ok. 

For the first time ever, I dreamed of Sadie and Pat together - they were running and giggling and enjoying being brother and sister.  A lovely dream and it filled me with happiness and a sense of loss for what Pat will have to learn to understand and deal with.  He is such a sunny little boy filled with happiness and joy.  He will be fine and we'll follow advice on how we handle all this but it is sad.  I know he would have loved his sister and she would have adored him.  I know the dream was a message that Sadie is watching over Pat with sisterly love.

Well I ran the 10k and was so pleased to complete it without slowing from a jog.  I will continue to run and I hope to raise money in Sadie's memory.  Sadie still runs with me and I love this time together.  It fills me with peace, calm and love and it never fails to make me beam with pleasure at this uninterrupted time with thoughts and messages to my little girl.

I continue to blog without holding much back.  Self-indulgent I guess, although I have refrained from sharing anything too hurtful to others I hope.  I hope that this message shows that despite the dark places we have been and continue to experience, life is good and we are not only surviving the death of our daughter but we have a lovely life and her gift to us has not been in vain.  The dark clouds no longer overwhelm us.  Here's to the next 2 years.  Exciting and promising.  We are truly blessed