I have recently found that running (jogging really in my case!) is a big help to me with my grief management.  It gives me time to think and I find that I spend my runs thinking about Sadie lots and and its a nice way to remember her and spend time with her memory and almost say things to her that I want to say.  I listen to music as I run and it is amazing how many songs remind me of Sadie and I find this very uplifting. My favourite at the moment is U2's City of Blinding Lights.  This song does take my my mind to a dark place, as it brings memories of the night Sadie died and how beautiful she looked.  I think of Heaven as the City of Blinding Lights and it reassures me as I get a feeling for how beautiful and peaceful it must be.

Sadie always gives me encouragement.  She suffered so very much in her short life and yet she was so quick to smile and laugh. She went through things that most of us never have to go through.  But she also achieved more than many can ever do. I still hear from people allover the world who have been inspired by Sadie's story and her pictures.  She brings hope and smiles to many people and she and her T18 friends have built a community. For me personally, I am a better person for having been her mummy.  I care for people more than I ever realised. I enjoy life for what it is and enjoy the moment.  I relish the time I have with family and friends and I am driven to do things that I was once afraid to do. Just like running 10k in Tatton Park tomorrow!

I love Sadie so much and she is on our minds as ever right now. The sadder memories of her last few days and the awful things we saw, heard, did and said are haunting us too.  I am proud of what we accomplished in that timeas a family - Drew, Sadie and me.  We achieved peace for our little girl - pushing all of our boundaries and doing things that are unthinkable to many and that were once unthinkable to us.  We achieved the right care and pain relief and a dignified and peaceful death for our baby followed by a celebration of her life.  I had underestimated how grieving would feel and it is endless and shifting, but running with my little girl in my heart and in my mind is a big help and a real delight to me.  She will be in my thoughts tomorrow as we run in memory of my friend's Dad to raise money for Cancer Research.  I feel Sadie has helped me to reach a stage where I can run that far.  Along with a lot of help and support from my friends and family. This is something I thought I would never be able to do.