I had a good week and Pat an dI have been out a fair bit at post-natal group and seeing some friends and family.  Its been an easier week grief-wise and although it never leaves me flly I have had some laughs and even went out to dinner at a friend's with a few of my girlfriends last night which was really nice.  I'm feeling a bit lower today so Pat and I went out briefly with my mum but we're having a sofa afternoon now so I can recharge.  I am trying to fight the sadness but I think I may have to give in to it later.

This weekend will mark a new era as Sadie will have been dead longer than she was alive.  That hurts just to say.  I feel further away from her somehow and the time just seems to out distance between us.  However, I know that in many ways every day I am closer to being reunited with Sadie.  That sounds morbid, but I am living my life and enjoying it (what else is life for?).  I will enjoy every day I am blessed to be here on earth with my son and husband, but I am philisophical too.

Pat will be baptised next weekend and so our minister came to visit this week.  Some things he said really resonated with me and it turned out he became a minister because his father died when he was young and this cemented his faith as he knew he must ensure he went Heaven one day to be with his father again.  This makes huge sense to me and is essentially why I have my faith.  I cannot bear to think anything other than that we will be reunited as a family again in time.  We are very grateful to our friends and family as they have supported us hugely.  We know not all of them are Christians as we all have our own beliefs but we are touched that so many will make the effort to join us to celebrate Pat's baptism as this is a big deal to us.

I am hoping I will no be too emotional on the day.  I always break down in church since Sadie died.  It will be Pat's day but Sadie will be greatly missed and we wil also remember her own baptism - once in hospital and once at the church. In my heart I believe Sadie will be with us in spirit on the day.  I know (don't ask me how) that Sadie loves her little brother very much and she is proud of him.  I know this in my heart.