Well the build up of about 6 or so weeks prior to the anniversary was really tough and the hardest days were those right before the anniversary as the memories cameflooding back - many memories and feelings we had seemingly blocked out as they were so painful to recall.  Drew and I discussed these memories and feelings and this realy helped us to accept that these things happened and that we feel so sad about it.  Drew and I left Pat with my parents on Friday and we went to the grave first and were touched to see flowers and messages there.  We also received cards, flowers, gifts and messages from so many friends and this was a huge support for which we are very grateful.  ts lovely to see Sadie remembered. Many have made donations to SOFT and Francis House in Sadie's memory and this is wonderful as its a very positive thing to know that there is so much support for these charities as they desperately need funds.

Drew and I went for a walk up at Pym Chair after visiting the grave and this was good as we find walking cathartic. 

Sadie died at 3am on 10th September.   I won't go into the details of her death here as I don't feel able to fully share this right now, although much of this is in one of my articles in one of the SOFT newsletters which are attached to this site.  Drew, Sadie and I had gone over to Francis House on the afternoon of 9th September as Sadie's apnoeas were worsening.  Drew and I were to stay in one of the family flats near Sadie's room.  We sat up with her in the flat but at 1am we decided to have a quick sleep, so the staff took Sadie back to her room and held her for us.  At 1.30am Sadie had taken a bad turn for the worst and the staff brought her to us again in the flat and we sat with Sadie in our arms again whilst she slipped away at 3am.  I found that I was awake for the anniversary of this moment and decided to light a candle and sit and remember everything.  I found this ritual to be a comfort of sorts.

Well these past few weeks have been hard and we've really hidden away a lot.  I have practically hibernated!  Its time now for Pat and me to get back out there and hopefully I will feel a lot less woblly than I have in recent days.  The sadness is still there but the grief is less raw again.  I know it will be hard again at times and lets face it - its always going to hurt and make us sad, but I am looking forward to having some fun again. There is no point in giving in to the grief permanently and just existing.  Tempting as that seems some days!  We're so lucky to have such great support from old friends, new friends and our family.

I have learnt a lot about grief these last few weeks in particular and also the memories that have come back are helpful to us.   intend to put all that to good use along the way, so I am hoping for inspiration!

I want to close this post by saying how proud we are of Sadie.  She clearly touched so many lives with her bravery and zest for life.  I also want to say thank you to everyone for the support in various forms and for the donations to SOFT and Francis House - please continue!  We intend to get some fundraising on the go soon and I'll talk about that in blogs down the line.  Thank you to everyone who visits my sites - I know they aren't easy reading sometimes!