Welcome to my blog.  I'm Samara Collins, my daughter, Sadie died on 10/09/10 aged 8 & 1/2 months.  She had Edwards Syndrome (Trisomy 18).  You can read all about her and about living with Edwards Syndrome in my blog.

This site is my own story as a grieving mum. I'll record from time to time, how I'm doing & want to share with others  going through similar themselves or as friends & family.  I'll be as open as I feel I possibly can as I believe increasing understanding around child-loss helps us to feel less isolated in the uniqueness of this grief and I hope it helps reduce the fear around such a tricky subject.

Learning our daughter was terminally ill, living with her illness and this knowledge and then losing our daughter and living with her loss has profoundly changed my husband, Drew and me forever.  We never stop missing and loving Sadie and the sadness and grief remains a constant presence.  However, we have rebuilt our lives and constantly find ourselves learning more about the grief and how to handle it and manage it in our lives each day.  Life is full and good and mostly we are able to enjoy life albeit with a completely different perspective and altered and stronger values.  We both feel glad to have been blessed with Sadie.  We now have a son called Patrick.  Pat was born  months after Sadie died and he is wonderful.  He brings sunshine into our lives and we are thrilled and relieved that we decided to have him.  It was absolutely the right decision for us and the 9 month fear we felt was well worth it!

We're doing well and we're generally happy, but the grief remains and so I continue my blog from time to time - encouraged by the feedback I receive from others out there.  I'm glad to know know my story is of a little help out there in the same way that I find help and comfort from reading about others.  I learn that my feelings are 'ok' and 'normal' in these circumstances - an immense relief at times!

Thank you for visiting my site.  I welcome your comments.

The week before Sadie died.  She was quieter between the episodes of pain she had and we just cuddled lots.  On this day we walked to the church with Sadie in her pram to say hello to the vicar and thank him for the special play mat that the Mobberley Trust had kindly donated to us.  Sadie was very chatty that day.   

Sadie and me in our garden by the oak tree, which Sadie loved so much.  She would reach out and touch the tree with fascination.  She loved the outdoors. 

 Christmas 2011 - Drew, Pat and me.

Francis House 

Francis House Children's Hospice have been an amazing source of support for Sadie, Drew & me.  They rely on charitable donations as only a tiny fraction of their funding comes from the government.  Drew & I continue to receive their great support and the staff have become like a second family at a time where there was really nowhere else to turn.  Please visit their website for more info and to find details about making donations and fundraising http://francishouse.org.uk/.



This fantastic charity provides support & information for families of children with Trisomy 18 and 13 (Edwards Syndrome & Patau's Syndrome).  Please see my 'Useful Links' page for details.

Just Giving

My Dad, Paul Lawrence has set up a Just Giving site in Sadie's memory, to raise money for Francis House: http://www.justgiving.com/SadieEC  

 Living with Edwards Syndrome (Trisomy 18) / Living with a Terminally Ill Child

Please visit Sadie's website / my other blog at here or contact me on Facebook


Having Another Baby

Anne Diamond wrote the below (attached) article for Hello magazine when the Camerons were expecting their latest family addition.  For me, it really helps to explain how it feels to be expecting a new baby after losing a child. 

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When you lose a child it helps to have something to believe in.  I need to believe that Sadie is somewhere safe and happy and that she is not gone forever.  Many things have helped me to have this faith since Sadie was born, but sometimes, in the darkest hours, this faith wavers and that can leave me feeling frightened.  This rainbow came minutes after me saying to Drew that I hadn't seen a rainbow since Sadie died.  It was bold, bright and there were 2 of them.  It came up from the church where Sadie's body is buried.   This brought me some peace.

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